Love, what an odd little emotion it is… It has the propensity to, in one fell swoop, knock the senses from our brains, momentarily discombobulating us. It shapes our lives in ways that we never thought possible and in some ways, that shouldn’t have been possible. Being a serial relationshiper in my younger days, a true sucker for romance… in every sense of the word, my life has been steered in all sorts of directions, some good, some bad, some silly, some strange… Ahhh, the folly of not being able to see in retrospect first. Now, it’s not that I regret any of them, because of the friendships and experiences that have enriched my life, blossoming from those “loves.” Though some things could have been avoided perhaps. It also shapes your perspectives on the subject too, I no longer fall head first into it, I no longer let myself go, I am far more cautious and selective with whom I spend my cherished time, I no longer believe in giving people too many chances, I am far more stand off-ish in my older years; even though I have a lot of love to give (I pretty much hug everyone, boys and girls alike, no gender discrimination… For inappropriately long periods, so they know they’re loved, I mean… Handshakes are for strangers) and this has become far more prevalent with many of the friends I know. Not that it’s a bad thing, I believe I’m a little more self-aware, of what I’m prepared to give and what I’m not prepared to take. Some people would label that selfish, but I feel that it’s the complete opposite… Would you want someone to be untrue? Wasting both your time and their own? We’re all searching for that fairy tale ending. Too often than not people just settle, the idea of being a solivigant succumbing to wanderlust is too fearful a notion to consider. I find it tragic that the thought of loneliness supersedes the flight or fight scenario, I find that to be the height of selfishness. Too often we settle in life, love should never be something to settle on. A little trinket from my ma, which has always rung true and worth taking heed of, is a poem she gave me before I left on my travels chasing love earlier in life. The words of which still ring in my head daily and steer the wind in my sails:
“The clock of life is wound but once,
Nobody knows whether the hands will stop at a late or early hour,
So live, love and toil at will,
For tomorrow the clock may then be still.”
That, along with the Chinese proverb “the participants perspectives are clouded, whereas the bystanders views are clear” (best fortune cookie ever) Obviously, it all depends on who your bystanders are, not the jealous little jibes emanating from the vultures awaiting their turn or that have had their advances spurned… I’m referring to your trusted few, who have your best invested interests at heart. Sometimes we’re all blinded, buuuuut if we’re completely honest with ourselves, we’re never reeeeeally blinded, we see with a murky clarity, but we know, we can make out the silhouettes of truth behind the sheets, we just choose not to see it. Do you not think it serves in the interest of both parties that we’re just completely honest with one another? I know, what a ghastly and archaic notion that is… Honesty, the benign quality sullied by the reactions to its offerings. Occasionally, we need to be fucked up by the truth and be thankful for it, even though it’s a bitter pill to swallow. I can liken it to the attempt of completing a maze, you come to many dead ends while choosing your paths, you don’t get angry with the cul-de-sac because of its denial of your avenue of choice? You simply back-up and try another route… So why do people get so upset with truth? We don’t want to accept the things we can’t change and spend our time banging our heads against the wall. Most of us fall into the monkey category, whereby we don’t let go of one vine until our other hand is firmly gripped on another, it is a terrible way of doing things and we are ALL guilty of doing it at some stage of our lives, but then cry foul when it happens to us? The wheel always turns my friends, “sometimes we’re the writing and sometimes we’re the wall.” The karmic knock on the chin has to be taken with grace and a bow, it’s just not worth the drama in the end. The weight of hate and hurt is a begrudgingly heavy burden to bare and skews your view. I mean, would you drive in the pouring rain with your wipers off? No, of course not, it’s stupid, you could crash and most importantly you could drive by something so beautiful, that’s worth the stop, but instead drive straight passed it.
I guess what I’m getting at, in my wrangling with love ramble, is that love can’t just be categorised under one notion nor is one notion the same as another’s, it’s filled with many trials and tribulations, sunshine and rainbows, it’s a battleground fought with the thorns of roses… Although, I believe most of the knowledge is hidden within those first few kisses. You all know what I mean, right? I’ve had those earth shattering, ground shaking, knee quaking, breath-taking first kisses that send your heart a flutter giving credence to the notion of being swept off your feet… Because just for a moment, your two worlds collide, you’re pulled into one another’s gravitational pull, for a second you’re both floating, orbiting each other’s hearts and when you’re brought back down to earth, your landing is like a butterfly with sore feet… Soft, gentle, reacquainting yourself with your surroundings, your tongue feeling like you’ve just pulled it off the anode and cathode of those square batteries… The electricity still coursing through your veins. Deep breath in… Deep breath out… Those, those kisses, which are few and far between are both a treasure and a condemnation. There are other kisses which are also just as fantastic, which grow in stature with every embrace, whose lingering presence can be felt more and more over time… It’s because of these moments, that I will not settle, it’s because I’ve felt this kind of love that I will always be true about my feelings, it’s because of these loves that I know what love is worth holding out for.
Sure, once in a while we kiss a wolf in sheep’s clothing, we can smell the canine odour, yet still trudge along in that smokey love haze until the carpet is pulled from beneath us or we keep kissing a frog expecting it to change into a prince/princess. Don’t put your feelings beneath another’s in your list of priorities, “if something is important they will find a way, if it’s not, they’ll find an excuse” obviously, within reason. Do we regret any of it? No, hell no, because those moments of joy outlast the moments of despair and after all, the sweet ain’t as sweet without the sour.
The most precious of our worldly possessions is time, if we’re not completely into something, pull out, let it be so, their time is no less important than our own, let them carry on their course to find that which mirrors their own intentions and heart’s desire. Don’t be selfish, talk, not just about the good and all things bright, but about the bad and the dark too… Festering leads to fighting, think about the repercussions of your actions on another, love and let love… Don’t be a poes, be lekker.
Godspeed on both your hearts travels and travails, leaving you with something that the film The Perks of Being a Wallflower inspired me to pen…
The Beating of the Feathers
I think I’m ready for my next great love,
A message sent from within, on a little grey dove,
Past fleeting endeavours, fade away with the beating of the feathers,
Views eschewed given birth to a passion renewed,
Whereas before love was labelled a liar,
Now standing tall, a raging desire, evoking feelings of fire!
Acquiescing to the entreaties of the heart,
Oh my dear, where o’ where shall we start…